Just be!!!
Go with the flow!!!
Live in the moment!!!
The power of Now!!!
So many mantras promise the promised land, the garden of Eden, the state of Bliss. Right from the ancient wisdom of Gita, the intellectual brain twisting of Jean Paul Sartre , the writings of new age seer Eckhart Tolle and the words of my very own spiritual Healer Patrick Sanfranceso , I have been given to believe that the key to happiness is in moment. I have been struggling to stay in the Present, in the Moment , in the Now! To little avail.. The more I tried the more I fell, sinking in the desert of Past, time and time again each time with a thud louder than the last.
Time has existed for me like a temporal beast of burden called Memory. A beast that is always trying to reach the oasis-where past stays exactly there- in the past but never quite making it !! It seemed that my oasis was just a mirage -an optical illusion, a promise meant to be broken, a word not be kept. The going got tougher the more I got going. I realised that my seeking freedom from the pain of the past was a journey without a destination. And I was going somewhere reaching nowhere , pretty much like "Lucky and Pozzo" waiting for Godot.
Both- the deep profundity of Zen and Vedanta and pop philosophy of Woodstock called for it. "the power of now" sounded all too cool. But it just did not happen for me. I tried all kinds of meditation to experience the famous 'nothingness' in which 'something blissful shows up, the space where yesterday retreats quietly and allow the true 'self' emerges in a radiant newness. I started with the well known Transcendental Meditation and realised I could not transcend even my irritation with the cheeky auto rickshaw driver who had just dropped me at the ashram. As I tried to become aware of the sound of my my breath I could hear the noise of my thoughts at war .There was no respite from the craziness of my hyperactive mind.
I discovered the rigours of Pranik Color Meditation later and realised that I just could not think of pink when I was supposed to and the 'golden light I was supposed to visualise emanating from my crown chakra was turning silver , blue and black.In the popular yoga classes in Mumbai
I found three minutes of Pranayam tougher than a thirty Surya Namaskars (sun salutations) . Several years later a colleague at The Times of India group recommended the Art of Living Basic course. Sudarshan kriya was wonderful but I could not sustain the practice.I went for a ten day Vipassana retreat and found my mental chatter can indeed quieten down. I saw glimpses of nothingness in moments of jiffy - all too slippery for me to grasp long enough to remember what they were really like.
Later, I went to Sadhguru 's Isha Yoga ashram near Coimbatore on a junket and fell in love with its pristine perfection.Several discourses with the brillant seer assured me that the promised land existed. That, in the topography of mind (or wherever) there was indeed a plateau where the 'I-ness' of one's identity blends into the oblivion. When one could relate oneself to the entire universe as 'one'. I heard people share their experiences and tried to keep up with up with very stringent yoga practices of Shambhavi and Shakti chalana kriya..
I dealt with stress at my work and personal life with more stress. I knew that meditation worked but I simply could not find the discipline.My existential dilemma was unique- it was both non-existent and non-existential!
Yet I could sense that, that was the way to 'go' sorry 'be'. To live in the breath before letting a sad memory contaminate it. Letting the present be about now instead of filled with regret from yesterday or worries about tomorrrow.
My search for 'Now' sounds like a spiritual thriller or a whodunnit.. The suspense was killing me too.
You'll be happy to know that I got somewhere in my quest!!
More later!!!
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